end kvetch

Macs, productivity, &c.

In Defense of Nadya

OctupletsIt’s pretty rare that a true hero comes along. However, not so long ago, one such shining bastion of humanity came to the public eye: Nadya Suleman. There are so many people out there, people who do have jobs and money and husbands, who wouldn’t put themselves through the agony of pregnancy. However, Nadya recognized that unless we all chip in, the human race will go extinct. With diseases such as AIDS and cancer running rampant and wars raging across the world, underpopulation is clearly a very real concern. We need people like Nadya and her brood to keep humanity from simply dying out. If there had been a Sulemanosaurus, I think it’s safe to say that the dinosaurs would still be around today.

angelina_nadyaThe giving doesn’t stop there though, oh, no. It’s a well-known fact that Nadya has undergone plastic surgery in order to look more like Angelina Jolie. It is truly impressive that she would go under the knife in order to provide that world with another Angelina. While some would say she’s a deluded, obsessed crazy, Nadya is simply doing what should be every patriotic American’s duty– to model themselves after our favorite celebrities. Not only does two Angelinas double the fun, it provides us with a backup. In a world where terrorist attacks are on the rise, our greatest national resource– celebrities– is in grave danger. We are so fortunate that, if anything were to happen to Angelina, Nadya would be there to take her place. I sincerely hope that Obama makes it a priority to designate an understudy for every A and B-list celebrity in the United States.

Never before have I seen such a loving, selfless person. Every woman in America should make it her goal to have fourteen children. If each of these children is assigned a celebrity to model themselves after since birth, we’ll be able to outlast even the most thermonuclear of wars. As the Russians and Chinese die out due to low birth rates, America will plant one foot on the writhing mass of infants that has formed in the Atlantic Ocean and cackle until it can breathe no more.

Filed under: Everyday Ramblings, , , , , , , ,

Things a White Person Likes

So, you’ve probably been lying awake at night thinking Where’s that Somatic Gnome? I miss him. Don’t worry, you can admit it, I won’t think you’re weird. Anyway, here I am! Clearly, I’ve taken a hiatus (sorry about that year of nights tossing and turning that I caused you), but now I’m back. To ease myself back into this whole thing, I think I’ll be doing a little bit called “Things a White Person Likes” where a list a couple of the things that have been keeping me away…

Propel Fit Powder™: First off, no, Gatorade isn’t paying me for this (I wish. I’d totally sell out.), but I really like this stuff. I don’t drink much water, but I love Lemon Propel. Basically, Fit Powder is a Bring-Your-Own-Bottle-of-Water version of Propel. A bottle of water and a pack of it tastes exactly like the real stuff (and at a tenth of price). If you wish your water tasted like lemonade, check it out (and tell ’em I sent you, maybe I’ll get this endorsement deal yet).

Lily Allen: Lily’s awesome. Her first album, Alright, Still was totally awesome, and a couple days ago, It’s Not Me, It’s You came out and it’s awesomer– it’s ironic electropop at its best. However, to be honest, I think the Brits might hate her the same way we hate all our somewhat trashy pop stars. I lump Lily into the “bitter British chicks that can really sing” category along with Kate Nash; check her out too.

Bones: I love this show so much. I’m generally a fan of procedural shows anyway (since I secretly fantasize of being a cop), but Bones is more than that: It’s funny, original, quirky, &c., &c., blah, blah, blah, two thumbs up. Basically, it’s amazing and you should watch it.

My Lumix DMC-LX3: Recently, I decided to get a digital camera and get back into photography (I did black and white film stuff for a couple years). I looked mostly at prosumer point and shoots and finally settled on the LX3 after a long struggle between that and the Canon G10. Not only do I love the LX3’s retro styling, but it takes great photos and even supports RAW (which, by the way, was probably created by Raptor Jesus himself). Photos pulled from my Flickr pool are in the sidebar now, so yeah, check ’em out.

My iPod Touch: I got my iTouch last summer and it may actually be the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s great to be able to access email and the rest of the Web without lugging around my laptop. Text entry isn’t great and it’s utility is greatly diminished without wi-fi around (I’m very jealous of the iPhone’s data connection. And the whole phone thing.) but overall, it’s a totally awesome device: It’s a PDA, iPod, gaming device and tablet all rolled into one. Frankly, I can’t believe people still use regular iPods, they seem like total crap after this thing.

I probably like more stuff than that, but that’s all I can think of for now. Stay tuned for some Mac-related stuff.

Filed under: Everyday Ramblings, Odes, , , , , , ,

An Ode to TUAW

As those of you who have looked at the Links in any detail will already know, I ❤ TUAW (The Unofficial Apple Weblog). I love their witty hyperlinking, their obsession with Apple to meet and exceed mine, their acronym that sounds like a world but isn’t. Simply put, I am in love with TUAW. Obviously, a while back the announcement that they were hiring delighted me. I knew I didn’t stand a chance, but the thought of moonlighting as a high-powered tech blogger intrigued me so. Sadly, the already shaky bubble burst when the adended (or whatever the word is) the addendum “you must be 18 or older”. I mean, no wonder they’re always a couple minutes behind Engadget, with old fogies running the place.


P.S. That was so not sour grapes.

Filed under: Everyday Ramblings, , ,

May Day

(This post was previously part of the daily consolidation, but it got to big so I figured it could have its very own title.)

I would like to kick this post off by wishing you all a happy May Day….so go and dance around your May pole or whatever else you’re supposed to do on May Day.

Conversation #1

Guy #1: Isn’t your birthday today?
Guy #2: Yeah
Guy #1: You killed the Jews!
(Stunned silence from rest of room)
Teacher (to Guy #2): No anti-Semitism in my class!

Conversation #2

Girl: Oh yeah, it is May Day. Where are all the poles?
Guy: In Poland!

Conversation #3

Girl: May I be excused?
Teacher: Only if you take me with you.

Filed under: Oldies, Quotes, , , ,